I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize