my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
