i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
