i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
