I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
