We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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