i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize