You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
