Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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