I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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