I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
