So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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