I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
did you just send me my own nude
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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