I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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