trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
