I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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