Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i think im in europe. pls send help
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
