i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
But we have bathrooms and they dont
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
