Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
