I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
