I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
