I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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