I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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