Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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