seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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