I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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