I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
