I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize