Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
