I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
