He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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