apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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