I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
