fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
