Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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