You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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