I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
