When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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