Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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