She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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