I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize