Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
