His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
