I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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