he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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