I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize