im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
