I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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