I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
