Already got asked if we're dating
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
