If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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