Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
