you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
