"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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