when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
