you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize