If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This is classic penis vs brain.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
