tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
