First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
