all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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