Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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