So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
