Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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