I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
