Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
