i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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