Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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