so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
