You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
