I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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